So, the Lord has led us for various reasons in this season out of our marriage group. Knowing how much we need community, Biblical community, and other couples who are willing to fight together in truth, love and in pursuit for holiness and intimacy in marriage, we are starting our own group. Through our various recovery's and journey's, we have been impacted by a host of programs and a host of people. We have gleaned so much from each different one that God has brought our way, so we are starting one with friends we are already in community with and share our lives with.
We are not professional counselors, nor do we claim to be. We simply are a couple who has experienced healing and miracles in our own lives and marriage. We feel the Lord has guided our steps thus far with the folks who want to do this and both have a willingness to share what we know andwhat we've learned from others.
Our prayer is that this will be fruitful. That God will put a hedge before and behind us and we will continue to obey as God opens and closes doors. Above all, that our actions and words will be cloaked with humility. Pride is a silent creeper, and while I am well aware we don't have all the answers... all we really have to offer is our experience, strength and hope...I never want that to become an issue. I don't have it all figured out by any stretch. All I have is where I was and where I am now and a bounty of fabulous mentors who have coached me through my journey. Join in praying with us that the Holy Spirit will speak in and through us and that the gates of hell will be rattled by couples going to battle for deep intimacy in their marriages and relationships!
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Friday, April 13, 2012
Friday, April 06, 2012
Shine His Light
I continue to grow and learn more each and every day. More about myself, more about Jesus and more about those around me. Not that I've figured it out, there is no such thing, but becoming a new creation each day, I feel it this season. I've come so far and have SO far to go. The further I get into walking with Jesus daily, the more I realize how little I know or understand how much he really loves and cares for me. My Bible study this season has been Biblical Community, speaking truth to one another and learning to love women who have all different strengths and weaknesses. It is a safe place and so uplifting. No doubt it came at the perfect time.
I spent the morning with my best friend from high school and her two babes. It is a such a gift to have such a friend. She has grown and changed and has become and is becoming...I have too. We are so very different, always have been, but it is a gift. To know and be known. To give and receive and receive and give, isn't this the heartbeat of a deep friendship?! So I am filled with gratitude as my baby and her eldest played around our feet. The sun shone down on her wee one and the birds chirped in the background as we talked about being a mama, our own mother's, friendship and more. It was a good morning.
This morning started out good, not all mornings do. Ironically, it is Good Friday and as I drove my banshee's to school I reminded them of this day. Last night we read 'The Last Supper' and today I tried my best to drill in their hearts the meaning of this day. As they walk their public school halls and sit in their classes, no mention of Jesus death on the cross will be acknowledged. It is my job to make sure they remember, that they know, to live daily with intention with my children in all I do and say. My prayer is they remember through-out the day, a Savior many years ago hung on a cross for them and that their lights shine forth and they tell of the one who rescued them. This has been our theme this year being in public school, "Let your lights shine" we tell them. Tell your friends about Jesus. Tell your friends about Good Friday...tell them, tell them, tell them. Live with intention. Let your little light shine....
I pray my light shines as well. That I am a beacon in the darkness, a light of humble hope, peace that overflows from the inside out and joy that bubbles over from Tink's cottage. That we look different and act different. That we share our 'Rescue Story' from the pit and all of hell shutters as our God is magnified and acknowledged for all His power and glory he bestowed on us. He chose us, we did not choose him. A verse that we have framed that reminds us that it is Him and not us...
"God, who said, "Light shall shine out of darkness, " has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." 2 Cor 4:6
I spent the morning with my best friend from high school and her two babes. It is a such a gift to have such a friend. She has grown and changed and has become and is becoming...I have too. We are so very different, always have been, but it is a gift. To know and be known. To give and receive and receive and give, isn't this the heartbeat of a deep friendship?! So I am filled with gratitude as my baby and her eldest played around our feet. The sun shone down on her wee one and the birds chirped in the background as we talked about being a mama, our own mother's, friendship and more. It was a good morning.
This morning started out good, not all mornings do. Ironically, it is Good Friday and as I drove my banshee's to school I reminded them of this day. Last night we read 'The Last Supper' and today I tried my best to drill in their hearts the meaning of this day. As they walk their public school halls and sit in their classes, no mention of Jesus death on the cross will be acknowledged. It is my job to make sure they remember, that they know, to live daily with intention with my children in all I do and say. My prayer is they remember through-out the day, a Savior many years ago hung on a cross for them and that their lights shine forth and they tell of the one who rescued them. This has been our theme this year being in public school, "Let your lights shine" we tell them. Tell your friends about Jesus. Tell your friends about Good Friday...tell them, tell them, tell them. Live with intention. Let your little light shine....
I pray my light shines as well. That I am a beacon in the darkness, a light of humble hope, peace that overflows from the inside out and joy that bubbles over from Tink's cottage. That we look different and act different. That we share our 'Rescue Story' from the pit and all of hell shutters as our God is magnified and acknowledged for all His power and glory he bestowed on us. He chose us, we did not choose him. A verse that we have framed that reminds us that it is Him and not us...
"God, who said, "Light shall shine out of darkness, " has shown in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ." 2 Cor 4:6
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Capture Your Thoughts
In a conversation I had with one of my FIT Girls, which btw LIKE us on Facebook if you read this blog, we need fans and help spreading the word! It is going great and we are growing (slowly) and women are losing weight and getting healthy!!
Anyhoo, back to something I said that struck her when she was telling me she was at the bottom of the group in her fitness level. Don't we all feel that way in some form and fashion in our life, if we are being honest with ourselves and each other!? And here is the truth that I need drilled in my head over and over and over...A reminder, which is quite simple, BUT so easily I forget!
Satan came to steal, kill and destroy. He plants seeds of defeat when we compare ourselves to others. Capturing my thoughts looks like, for me, that I refuse to believe the enemy's lies that 'I am any less or any greater than someone else'. When I refuse to buy lies from the enemy, I am set free!
Anyhoo, back to something I said that struck her when she was telling me she was at the bottom of the group in her fitness level. Don't we all feel that way in some form and fashion in our life, if we are being honest with ourselves and each other!? And here is the truth that I need drilled in my head over and over and over...A reminder, which is quite simple, BUT so easily I forget!
Satan came to steal, kill and destroy. He plants seeds of defeat when we compare ourselves to others. Capturing my thoughts looks like, for me, that I refuse to believe the enemy's lies that 'I am any less or any greater than someone else'. When I refuse to buy lies from the enemy, I am set free!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Spring Break Musings & Radical Dreams
The week has been full and good. Our sweet friends from Tulsa who are in town came for dinner. They are brave and courageous people who loved me well IN my valley and fought for my soul. It was a delight be with them again, even though it was not enough time and there are 1087 more things to say. Also, yesterday my best friend of 19 years had her second baby and he is precious. Caleb Harrison Rodgers. She has walked multiple valley's with me and will have a special crown in heaven for it.
I have had a quiet house for almost 24 hours, the banshee's made their exit to Grandmama's house for the night and she is nothing less than a saint. I was a bear yesterday, and think the multiple games of Clue Jr., art in the park day that we did with friends and kickball games late into the night have worn me slap out. The children's allergies are in full swing up in here, and I dusted Tinks Cottage with coconut oil and lemon the other day (pictures to come) so I am getting to enjoy a clean house and no children. It feels foreign.
This week my road to sanctification has been all about money. How we have none. How we need some. Pity party's. Fear. Greed. You name it...I've struggled with it. I am learning it IS the root of all evil. I feel like God has freed me in so many ways of my intimacy disorder in relationships, just from recognizing some things, repenting and doing a new dance. I feel some freedom from codependency with people in general. So, with that, not that it was easy nor that I am cured, but seeing old patterns become new has given me a desire to see freedom in other area's.
The verse that continues to come to mind is "Godliness with contentment is GREAT gain". So, I am hopeful that God will fulfill all His promises and my fear of economic insecurity will be washed away, not meaning we will have more, but I will be content with what we have. God knows exactly how much money we need in our checking account and when I live in that knowledge, fully live there in my mind, it slowly sinks to my heart. He cares for me, we have never gone without and have always had an abundance full of exactly what we need.
So, I dreamt about Disney World. I went there as a child and loved it, all my friends talk about its magic, and I've longed to take the banshee's there knowing they would be ecstatic. We don't have extra money like that though, so we've never gone. It's been on my list of things to do. In my dream I feel the rush of seeing the princess castle, riding the thingy that propels you at high rates of speed into the park and I am IN Disney World. The banshee's are filled with screams and delight, we all are. The emotions and feelings are so vivid. It is everything and more we thought it would be. After a fun filled, magical day we are riding in the thingy that propels you at high speeds, now out of the park. I am so in love with Disney, I start planning our trip to come again, I MUST come back.
In that moment, a veil was lifted from my eyes and God was there in Spirit showing me perhaps a different plan for us, planting a different desire within. All of a sudden, I turn and I see my children in a slum, a dirt slum, with other children that are dirty and thin, crouched down, helping and talking to them. All I know is that when I woke up and talked to the hubs about it, I had tears in my eyes and knew my dream of going to Disney had been changed.
I am not saying I will never go to Disney nor judge anyone who chooses to go, AT ALL, that is not the point of this. I think for me, and after talking to the hubs, my goal now is to take my children to a different country to be with hurting, hungry people who need to be given some Good News and hope. Where there is no "magic". Where there are no princess castles, snow cones, fast thrilling rides and face painting. It was as if seeing all this in my dream made me question "what I am really doing here? I mean really doing here on this earth" What am I going to portray to my children when we do get extra money? In the end, when my children are telling me goodbye, I doubt they will say, "thank you mother for taking us to Disney" they might, but I doubt it. My hope is they would say "you taught us how to love others. You taught us to spend our money caring for the ones who have none, the orphans, the widows." Not , "thank God you got us to the magic kingdom". Kind of puts it all in the proper perspective.
It made me sad on all levels. I say one thing with my mouth, but my desires are far from what I say.
So, praying to be sanctified and content and wise with our finances when we do have more. God continues to twist and turn me, at times I feel like a pretzel, into a new creation on all accounts. He is molding me into something I NEVER thought I'd be, nor desired to be, but now long to be. His. Completely His alone. Sanctification all along the long, weary road to the promised land.
I have had a quiet house for almost 24 hours, the banshee's made their exit to Grandmama's house for the night and she is nothing less than a saint. I was a bear yesterday, and think the multiple games of Clue Jr., art in the park day that we did with friends and kickball games late into the night have worn me slap out. The children's allergies are in full swing up in here, and I dusted Tinks Cottage with coconut oil and lemon the other day (pictures to come) so I am getting to enjoy a clean house and no children. It feels foreign.
This week my road to sanctification has been all about money. How we have none. How we need some. Pity party's. Fear. Greed. You name it...I've struggled with it. I am learning it IS the root of all evil. I feel like God has freed me in so many ways of my intimacy disorder in relationships, just from recognizing some things, repenting and doing a new dance. I feel some freedom from codependency with people in general. So, with that, not that it was easy nor that I am cured, but seeing old patterns become new has given me a desire to see freedom in other area's.
The verse that continues to come to mind is "Godliness with contentment is GREAT gain". So, I am hopeful that God will fulfill all His promises and my fear of economic insecurity will be washed away, not meaning we will have more, but I will be content with what we have. God knows exactly how much money we need in our checking account and when I live in that knowledge, fully live there in my mind, it slowly sinks to my heart. He cares for me, we have never gone without and have always had an abundance full of exactly what we need.
So, I dreamt about Disney World. I went there as a child and loved it, all my friends talk about its magic, and I've longed to take the banshee's there knowing they would be ecstatic. We don't have extra money like that though, so we've never gone. It's been on my list of things to do. In my dream I feel the rush of seeing the princess castle, riding the thingy that propels you at high rates of speed into the park and I am IN Disney World. The banshee's are filled with screams and delight, we all are. The emotions and feelings are so vivid. It is everything and more we thought it would be. After a fun filled, magical day we are riding in the thingy that propels you at high speeds, now out of the park. I am so in love with Disney, I start planning our trip to come again, I MUST come back.
In that moment, a veil was lifted from my eyes and God was there in Spirit showing me perhaps a different plan for us, planting a different desire within. All of a sudden, I turn and I see my children in a slum, a dirt slum, with other children that are dirty and thin, crouched down, helping and talking to them. All I know is that when I woke up and talked to the hubs about it, I had tears in my eyes and knew my dream of going to Disney had been changed.
I am not saying I will never go to Disney nor judge anyone who chooses to go, AT ALL, that is not the point of this. I think for me, and after talking to the hubs, my goal now is to take my children to a different country to be with hurting, hungry people who need to be given some Good News and hope. Where there is no "magic". Where there are no princess castles, snow cones, fast thrilling rides and face painting. It was as if seeing all this in my dream made me question "what I am really doing here? I mean really doing here on this earth" What am I going to portray to my children when we do get extra money? In the end, when my children are telling me goodbye, I doubt they will say, "thank you mother for taking us to Disney" they might, but I doubt it. My hope is they would say "you taught us how to love others. You taught us to spend our money caring for the ones who have none, the orphans, the widows." Not , "thank God you got us to the magic kingdom". Kind of puts it all in the proper perspective.
It made me sad on all levels. I say one thing with my mouth, but my desires are far from what I say.
So, praying to be sanctified and content and wise with our finances when we do have more. God continues to twist and turn me, at times I feel like a pretzel, into a new creation on all accounts. He is molding me into something I NEVER thought I'd be, nor desired to be, but now long to be. His. Completely His alone. Sanctification all along the long, weary road to the promised land.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
His Faithfulness
If this doesn't speak of God and His faithfulness and miracles, I am not sure what else does. I spoke with my sweet friend Mohana today who spoke of her mother who was sent home a couple of weeks ago with little to no hope of living...and now has been given a report now that her heart is 90% better. The Doctor was very surprised.
Mohana is from Chile and has faith like a solid rock. She is an encouragement and testimony to my life. Here is an email her husband sent out to our Church Plant about God answering prayers. What a testimony of God's faithfulness. What a reminder that it is not about money, status, earthly treasures, but about living a life trusting in Him and His goodness.
This is the stuff that matters.
Mohana is from Chile and has faith like a solid rock. She is an encouragement and testimony to my life. Here is an email her husband sent out to our Church Plant about God answering prayers. What a testimony of God's faithfulness. What a reminder that it is not about money, status, earthly treasures, but about living a life trusting in Him and His goodness.
This is the stuff that matters.
Hey Friends,
We just wanted to let you know that we are deeply grateful and humbled by the generosity you have shown towards Mohana's mom (Manuela) during her recent health struggles.
Manuela has been in poor health for many years, struggling with diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and other things. She is a widow, unable to work, and has an income around $150 per month. The medications she needs cost around $400 per month. We help her as much as we are able, but after she had a heart attack a couple weeks ago, the medical expenses became too great for us to handle on our own. When we sent an email to Brian Goessling on Monday, we were desperately asking for prayers that God would provide for Manuela's immediate physical needs. Our Great God answered by providing through this community more than we could ever ask or imagine.
Yesterday by God's grace Manuela was able to visit her doctor, complete several diagnostic tests, and buy medications that she very much needed. Just one week ago, Manuela's doctor had predicted that she would only be able to live a few more weeks because of the condition of her heart. Today he was encouraged at the results of her tests, and he now thinks that she could live a few more years! She still has a long road ahead, but we are hopeful.
I am amazed when I consider how this little, brand new body of believers in Homewood, Alabama, is already making an impact on another continent to the Glory of God. Not only is Manuela greatly encouraged by your faithfulness and generosity, but she is testifying to God's goodness to everyone she sees, especially her doctors. And Mohana's brother, a nonbeliever, is paying very close attention to all these things.
We have even seen our own faith and that of our children grow this week. On Tuesday afternoon, we gathered with our children and prayed that God would somehow provide the resources for Mohana's mom to visit the doctor and buy medicine. We asked our son Isaiah if he thought God would provide. He very honestly said "I don't know." Imagine our amazement when someone from Christ Fellowship knocked on our door a few hours later with more than she needed! I wish you could have seen our boys' faces! Never has 2 Timothy 2:13 felt more real: "If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."
We thank the Lord for you guys and how He is showing His great love through you to the nations. May He continue to bless you richly!
Love,
The Shulls
Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world. -James 1:27
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
capturing my thoughts
Some days I go back and forth between blogging here and sharing my struggles, my victories, my sorrows and my joys for fear that I will be misunderstood or judged. Most days I do not live there, but I have had moments of thinking maybe I should just go back to the scrapbook mentality and blog our life in pictures, not printed out words that record our messy life, what it was, what it is and what we dream. And then I remember my mother's words "people are not thinking about you, they are thinking about themselves" and it makes me feel better, so I keep on blogging. Thanks mom!
I love writing, but hate proof reading (so typically I just don't ;)), and pray that my experience, strength and hope can encourage that someone who may need it. I have a handful, a teeny tiny handful, of people who encourage me about writing here and so I just keep sharing my stuff- past, present and future- and pray it sheds light on your own journey. Writing is therapy as well and helps me recount, on paper, all God has done and is doing. An act of worship... proclaiming Him throughout all the mess. So to my audience, my little audience that I am ever so grateful for, thank you, thank you for coming back and encouraging me and continuing to read even though there are multiple, multiple grammatical errors in every.single.post. and almost sentence. I wish I cared, but I don't!
Now Moving on...
My latest revelation is teaching my banshee's to capture their thoughts. In light of the latest storms on Friday, we packed up and headed to the Grands with our Dollar Tree stash and bags ready for the "big" one. Tinks Cottage is nestled on a hill near the woods and has no basement. It makes me extremely nervous when there are storms threats ever since last April. In prepping the banshee's, especially Sally Weather (aka MH), for the weather that would be arriving during their school day, I started explaining what taking every thought captive looks like and giving examples like "when you start thinking thoughts about the storms coming and tornado's....STOP....and instead start thinking, or saying aloud facts about God. "He is my father. He can be trusted. He loves me. He cares for me"...." In having this teaching moment I feel like it actually challenged me to do the same. I am realizing more and more how it all starts in your thoughts, I buy into Satan's lies about me and about others every single day. I am becoming more and more aware of the battle we are in.
My Bible study I am in is amazing. The women have all had spiritual awakenings of some sort...changes, testimony's....they believe, really believe and take God's word seriously. They have stories of healing, redemption and blessing. It has been so filling and they present a walk with God in such a hands on way and give you tools on how to live and walk with the Lord and others. It truly is the most authentic women's group I have ever experienced. Another gift along the journey.
For now I am signing off. The next few days the Hubs and I are off to Puerto Rico, doesn't that sound fancy and expensive?! Heavens knows we could never afford to jet off to such a tropical place and are heading down with the Hubs work. Yes and thank you! Can't wait for the silence...and beach, especially the silence. I am a little concerned bc I hate planes. I've been praying, please say your prayers. I would love to get a prescription for some strong medication but I have Jesus, right!! And will make it. And pray. And capture my thoughts. overandoverandover.
I love writing, but hate proof reading (so typically I just don't ;)), and pray that my experience, strength and hope can encourage that someone who may need it. I have a handful, a teeny tiny handful, of people who encourage me about writing here and so I just keep sharing my stuff- past, present and future- and pray it sheds light on your own journey. Writing is therapy as well and helps me recount, on paper, all God has done and is doing. An act of worship... proclaiming Him throughout all the mess. So to my audience, my little audience that I am ever so grateful for, thank you, thank you for coming back and encouraging me and continuing to read even though there are multiple, multiple grammatical errors in every.single.post. and almost sentence. I wish I cared, but I don't!
Now Moving on...
My latest revelation is teaching my banshee's to capture their thoughts. In light of the latest storms on Friday, we packed up and headed to the Grands with our Dollar Tree stash and bags ready for the "big" one. Tinks Cottage is nestled on a hill near the woods and has no basement. It makes me extremely nervous when there are storms threats ever since last April. In prepping the banshee's, especially Sally Weather (aka MH), for the weather that would be arriving during their school day, I started explaining what taking every thought captive looks like and giving examples like "when you start thinking thoughts about the storms coming and tornado's....STOP....and instead start thinking, or saying aloud facts about God. "He is my father. He can be trusted. He loves me. He cares for me"...." In having this teaching moment I feel like it actually challenged me to do the same. I am realizing more and more how it all starts in your thoughts, I buy into Satan's lies about me and about others every single day. I am becoming more and more aware of the battle we are in.
My Bible study I am in is amazing. The women have all had spiritual awakenings of some sort...changes, testimony's....they believe, really believe and take God's word seriously. They have stories of healing, redemption and blessing. It has been so filling and they present a walk with God in such a hands on way and give you tools on how to live and walk with the Lord and others. It truly is the most authentic women's group I have ever experienced. Another gift along the journey.
For now I am signing off. The next few days the Hubs and I are off to Puerto Rico, doesn't that sound fancy and expensive?! Heavens knows we could never afford to jet off to such a tropical place and are heading down with the Hubs work. Yes and thank you! Can't wait for the silence...and beach, especially the silence. I am a little concerned bc I hate planes. I've been praying, please say your prayers. I would love to get a prescription for some strong medication but I have Jesus, right!! And will make it. And pray. And capture my thoughts. overandoverandover.
Friday, February 24, 2012
The Pharisee of Pharisee's and more...
I am a late bloomer. A late bloomer in all area's and feel like I am really awakening to how to live life now at the ripe age of 34. Somewhere down the line I think I might have missed the memo. Now I am just thankful I got it and can start applying it and blooming...which leads me to my prior view of others and how forever I lumped people into categories. I still struggle with this. In fact I lumped a lady, who I since have gotten to know, in the category of materialistic and snotty. She LOOKS perfect. Perfect house, in perfect location, designer jeans size 2 or maybe a 0, fancy cars....and drum roll....she loves Jesus, fiercely. She has realized ALL those things have been fillers. Idols. Addictions. Materialism. Whatever you want to call them. She admits she struggles with insecurity, but yet understands the Lord loves her as she is and has been set free from these things that used to define her.
Can I get a Yes And Amen. I think, maybe, I might become charismatic.
Jesus changes people. He changes the rich, he changes the poor. He changes the drunk and the legalist. No one, and this took a while to really sink in, is above or below me, or you for that matter. We all struggle. Christians struggle. I struggle with judging the ones that seem shallow, worship traditions and theology in an unhealthy way and judge others. The Pharisee's. And you know what...I am a Pharisee of Pharisee's. I am slowly grasping this and stepping out of denial that I am NOT better, nor do I understand the gospel in ways they don't. Everyone has a story and God can move and change people who I think will never admit they got "junk". Maybe God has led me out of Egypt to share it with those still in Egypt, but who don't even know they are there. Maybe if I can have boldness and profess the work Christ has done in my life, it can give relief and freedom to those who are still trying to save themselves and into the light of honesty they can begin to walk....Here is a quote I saw on Daymark's Counseling page (I spent many a sessions on their couch)
Counseling is fabulous people. Embrace it. We all need healing and a little guidance!
"The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy…" Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I long to love and show grace and mercy to pious people. Somewhere I heard "you know you get grace when you can give it to someone who thinks they don't need it". Yes Lord, grant me this.
On another random note, I am learning little surrenders are acts of worship for me. As in....drumroll again...keeping my house in order. It.wears.me.out. I saw a post going around FB that said "why do they want dinner every single night?" and a lady sobbing on her couch.
Again. AMEN.
BUT God has blessed me with my beloved banshee's to feed, bathe and care for them and my house. I can do this as an act of honoring what he has given me... and here is where it gets personal...I am lazy when it comes to this, which is an act of self worship. It doesn't mean it isn't hard or that I can't or don't cry, but when I can change my focus into I am worshipping God by cooking the banshee's a healthy meal and bathing them AGAIN.... my perspective can change and the ordinary becomes a gift. For those who have a hard time understanding why that would be a struggle, and for those who notice how others don't bathe or feed their banshee's to a certain standard, an act of worship for you might be to loosen up. Letting your house be messy and taking your own banshee's, and yourself for that matter, to eat some doughnuts and realizing your act of worship might be releasing control over micro managing your home and family, because the drive to do all and be all for your family is an act of self worship as well.
It all depends on how your pendulum swings and where you struggle. It is a personal matter and it ALL lies in the heart in doing or not doing things, and only God can be the judge of that.
Bottom line.
And a great verse Matthew 23:27
"In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
And on that note, the weather has been FABULOUS here. Tinkerbell's cottage morphed back into a tree house yesterday and the fresh air drenched the house. I can't wait for spring. I've also taught the banshee's how to play war and speed, which both sound really shady, but they are very fun card games. Lots of hands have been dealt around here lately.
Can I get a Yes And Amen. I think, maybe, I might become charismatic.
Jesus changes people. He changes the rich, he changes the poor. He changes the drunk and the legalist. No one, and this took a while to really sink in, is above or below me, or you for that matter. We all struggle. Christians struggle. I struggle with judging the ones that seem shallow, worship traditions and theology in an unhealthy way and judge others. The Pharisee's. And you know what...I am a Pharisee of Pharisee's. I am slowly grasping this and stepping out of denial that I am NOT better, nor do I understand the gospel in ways they don't. Everyone has a story and God can move and change people who I think will never admit they got "junk". Maybe God has led me out of Egypt to share it with those still in Egypt, but who don't even know they are there. Maybe if I can have boldness and profess the work Christ has done in my life, it can give relief and freedom to those who are still trying to save themselves and into the light of honesty they can begin to walk....Here is a quote I saw on Daymark's Counseling page (I spent many a sessions on their couch)
Counseling is fabulous people. Embrace it. We all need healing and a little guidance!
"The pious fellowship permits no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy…" Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I long to love and show grace and mercy to pious people. Somewhere I heard "you know you get grace when you can give it to someone who thinks they don't need it". Yes Lord, grant me this.
On another random note, I am learning little surrenders are acts of worship for me. As in....drumroll again...keeping my house in order. It.wears.me.out. I saw a post going around FB that said "why do they want dinner every single night?" and a lady sobbing on her couch.
Again. AMEN.
BUT God has blessed me with my beloved banshee's to feed, bathe and care for them and my house. I can do this as an act of honoring what he has given me... and here is where it gets personal...I am lazy when it comes to this, which is an act of self worship. It doesn't mean it isn't hard or that I can't or don't cry, but when I can change my focus into I am worshipping God by cooking the banshee's a healthy meal and bathing them AGAIN.... my perspective can change and the ordinary becomes a gift. For those who have a hard time understanding why that would be a struggle, and for those who notice how others don't bathe or feed their banshee's to a certain standard, an act of worship for you might be to loosen up. Letting your house be messy and taking your own banshee's, and yourself for that matter, to eat some doughnuts and realizing your act of worship might be releasing control over micro managing your home and family, because the drive to do all and be all for your family is an act of self worship as well.
It all depends on how your pendulum swings and where you struggle. It is a personal matter and it ALL lies in the heart in doing or not doing things, and only God can be the judge of that.
Bottom line.
And a great verse Matthew 23:27
"In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
And on that note, the weather has been FABULOUS here. Tinkerbell's cottage morphed back into a tree house yesterday and the fresh air drenched the house. I can't wait for spring. I've also taught the banshee's how to play war and speed, which both sound really shady, but they are very fun card games. Lots of hands have been dealt around here lately.
Our neighborhood flower garden in the works, less than a block from our house.
From the Ghetto to Mayberry.
I will forever remember Hudson's childhood as his Jedi years, his imagination is wild and grand!
He is truely in a battle (in his mind) at this moment.
Popcorn and cards. A typical afternoon!
Crazy love.
They all yell and scream, push and pull, make up and do it all over again.
Embrace.the.chaos.and.the.drama.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Lent...a reminder of our dependence upon God
Just read this and thought I would pass it along because there are some excellent points to contemplate. I am going to chew on it for a while...Here it is.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Clarification
I just want to clarify because it has come to my attention, through a friend who was over this morning, that when I am talking about relationships/friendships on here I am not talking about one person nor targeting anyone. I simply am discovering MY stuff, why I am drawn and am not drawn to certain types of people. It is my journey of stepping out of denial and taking a honest look at the people I shun or the relationships I try and make work. A friend told me recently, "in this stage of life your friends are the ones willing to accept you and your crap and you are willing to accept them with theirs". By no means am I talking about a specific friendship when I write and my prayer is no one has taken it that way. I am just processing what a healthy, for me, friendship looks like.
For example, my friend today who was over has been one of my besties since I was 23, when she met me wanted NOTHING to do with me, but somehow I won her over. To be brutally honest...my stuff is that needy people make me run and aloof people draw me in and there are reasons as to why this is, but that is for another time. I was wired this way due to specific reasons from the time I was a small child. SO, that is all I mean by I am working on things like that, changing my old dance. I think like marriage, friendship..intimate friendship... can ultimately help you practice living out the gospel and there is sorrow and joy ever closely intertwined. I am thankful for my friendships and constantly learning what God calls me to be and how to love, grow and mature together in healthy ways in intimate community. It is ALL a process.
For example, my friend today who was over has been one of my besties since I was 23, when she met me wanted NOTHING to do with me, but somehow I won her over. To be brutally honest...my stuff is that needy people make me run and aloof people draw me in and there are reasons as to why this is, but that is for another time. I was wired this way due to specific reasons from the time I was a small child. SO, that is all I mean by I am working on things like that, changing my old dance. I think like marriage, friendship..intimate friendship... can ultimately help you practice living out the gospel and there is sorrow and joy ever closely intertwined. I am thankful for my friendships and constantly learning what God calls me to be and how to love, grow and mature together in healthy ways in intimate community. It is ALL a process.
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
Prodigal Sons and Daughters
There is no greater place to see the heart of man than in your own home. Throw 5 people together with their different quirks and sin and it is quite a mess. It quickly becomes clear how much the Gospel is needed DAILY!
Judging by the outside there are people in this family that LOOK like they have got it going on MOST of the time. If you wanted to get a legalist to come survey and jot down our actions, I promise their are two people that could get ALL the right marks and might even appear to be the "better" Christians. And as you can guess, if you frequent this blog enough, I am NOT one of those people and neither is my eldest banshee. We were made out of the same mold and sometimes we are just too darn distracted to even remember the rules, much less obey them, which can be very frustrating to the "rule keepers" we live with. Our leader of this messy tribe has learned to handle me, or us (the apparent messy ones well)...we are grateful for his patience.
So, all that leads me into this morning. I woke up to stinky, hot breath in my face and the sweet sounds of scripture... "this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad..." my eyes fluttered open and I said "yes son!! God is granting you grace". These days are few and far between, but we both know they are precious. You have no room to EVER doubt where he is or how he feels about things, and I am the same way, not that is right....it just is. I love that kid's passion. He then tells me he is dressed, which again is a big deal that he actually remembered, shoes on and all. The hubs doesn't notice until after breakfast and congratulates him because dressing for him without being reminded... and reminded... and reminded all morning until we all start feeling a little crazy, is a BIG deal.
From the kitchen I hear the sweet words of a proud father and then I see my blond haired middle banshee, who at times I feel like we live on different planets and I am pretty sure she would say the same, slip in the kitchen frantically looking for her shoes. I can't imagine what was going on in her head, but could guess it probably was not good. She did a downward spiral from there and was angry, really angry in her subtle way. First and foremost, I can't imagine what it is like to be in the head of someone who is a rule follower, I just can't. It must be so frustrating to see the people who have a hard time even remembering there are rules, getting rewarded and praised for having their shoes on ONE day when she does everyday. I think the heart of the matter boils down to pride and judging and doing a lot of "right" things for the wrong reasons. I think this is where roles in family get so defined which drives a LOT of shame for the ones who can't remember they live in a society that requires them to wear shoes. Daily. They missed the memo somewhere down the line.
Another lesson for our little home. We are all messy, messy broken people in need of the little reminders that we don't have it all together and we can't keep it all together. It was good to see my little one's struggle. The outside of her "cup" she keeps pretty polished so it's easy to miss her heart underneath. I have known there have been some things brewing, just in her nature of pleasing others and her idol being perfection, which at times can be a whole lot more frightening than the child with a "cup" that rarely has ever been polished. It is a lot more baffling and cunning to outsiders and probably to her own little soul.
Anyways, that was OUR messy morning, now to try and glean some wisdom from my mentors on talking this through with her. I want her to love Jesus, to grasp her depravity and strive for holiness. I want to teach my children they will struggle with their natural bent, but to teach them to struggle well and also give them freedom in their struggles while pointing them to Christ. Which brings me to my role, to constantly keep surrendering my parenting and MY will over and over and over to His. Little surrenders 2012...again.
Judging by the outside there are people in this family that LOOK like they have got it going on MOST of the time. If you wanted to get a legalist to come survey and jot down our actions, I promise their are two people that could get ALL the right marks and might even appear to be the "better" Christians. And as you can guess, if you frequent this blog enough, I am NOT one of those people and neither is my eldest banshee. We were made out of the same mold and sometimes we are just too darn distracted to even remember the rules, much less obey them, which can be very frustrating to the "rule keepers" we live with. Our leader of this messy tribe has learned to handle me, or us (the apparent messy ones well)...we are grateful for his patience.
So, all that leads me into this morning. I woke up to stinky, hot breath in my face and the sweet sounds of scripture... "this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad..." my eyes fluttered open and I said "yes son!! God is granting you grace". These days are few and far between, but we both know they are precious. You have no room to EVER doubt where he is or how he feels about things, and I am the same way, not that is right....it just is. I love that kid's passion. He then tells me he is dressed, which again is a big deal that he actually remembered, shoes on and all. The hubs doesn't notice until after breakfast and congratulates him because dressing for him without being reminded... and reminded... and reminded all morning until we all start feeling a little crazy, is a BIG deal.
From the kitchen I hear the sweet words of a proud father and then I see my blond haired middle banshee, who at times I feel like we live on different planets and I am pretty sure she would say the same, slip in the kitchen frantically looking for her shoes. I can't imagine what was going on in her head, but could guess it probably was not good. She did a downward spiral from there and was angry, really angry in her subtle way. First and foremost, I can't imagine what it is like to be in the head of someone who is a rule follower, I just can't. It must be so frustrating to see the people who have a hard time even remembering there are rules, getting rewarded and praised for having their shoes on ONE day when she does everyday. I think the heart of the matter boils down to pride and judging and doing a lot of "right" things for the wrong reasons. I think this is where roles in family get so defined which drives a LOT of shame for the ones who can't remember they live in a society that requires them to wear shoes. Daily. They missed the memo somewhere down the line.
Another lesson for our little home. We are all messy, messy broken people in need of the little reminders that we don't have it all together and we can't keep it all together. It was good to see my little one's struggle. The outside of her "cup" she keeps pretty polished so it's easy to miss her heart underneath. I have known there have been some things brewing, just in her nature of pleasing others and her idol being perfection, which at times can be a whole lot more frightening than the child with a "cup" that rarely has ever been polished. It is a lot more baffling and cunning to outsiders and probably to her own little soul.
Anyways, that was OUR messy morning, now to try and glean some wisdom from my mentors on talking this through with her. I want her to love Jesus, to grasp her depravity and strive for holiness. I want to teach my children they will struggle with their natural bent, but to teach them to struggle well and also give them freedom in their struggles while pointing them to Christ. Which brings me to my role, to constantly keep surrendering my parenting and MY will over and over and over to His. Little surrenders 2012...again.
Friday, February 03, 2012
Today
I need to remain present in the here and now. Some daunting, or at least it feels daunting, decisions are coming up that have been heavy on my soul and propel me quickly to the past or the future. I had a complete come apart Wednesday and used a lot of harsh and ugly words and wanted to KILL somebody. It all stems from fear, which is not of God. A 911 call was made, by the dear hubs to our ever patient mentors. They spoke truth and helped us sort things out at our emergency meeting yesterday. I think everybody needs a Paul and Suzanne, I am not sure how people with all their wounds from life make it with any type of connection to each other without a third (and fourth for us) party involved, or maybe we are just that "special" couple.... either way they speak truth and love us both well and remind us to remain present, in my hoop, big girl chair whatever terminology works. So I am struggling to be present, to stay present in my own hoop. To trust that God ultimately is in control, control of another is only an illusion, and to deal with my stuff that goes a lot deeper than just history with the hubs.
I did have a repentant moment yesterday morning. I threw clothes on the floor and was bound and determined not to make beds or do dishes OR pick up one item in my house. all. day. long. (it's how I throw adult tantrums), but INSTEAD I made the beds, did the dishes and headed to start a new Bible study that is (obviously) much needed. My day was productive and I did not shut-down. For me that is a victory. Surrendering anger, which is really fear, and remaining in the here and now. Present. Just for today. Daily bread, that is ALL I need Oh Lord.
Little Surrenders 2012 is in FULL swing up in here.
I did have a repentant moment yesterday morning. I threw clothes on the floor and was bound and determined not to make beds or do dishes OR pick up one item in my house. all. day. long. (it's how I throw adult tantrums), but INSTEAD I made the beds, did the dishes and headed to start a new Bible study that is (obviously) much needed. My day was productive and I did not shut-down. For me that is a victory. Surrendering anger, which is really fear, and remaining in the here and now. Present. Just for today. Daily bread, that is ALL I need Oh Lord.
Little Surrenders 2012 is in FULL swing up in here.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Community
We all need it whether we believe it or not. I am still processing all that went down tonight in our sacred little group that is one of the most Holiest places I have ever ventured. It.is.the.real.deal. and terrifying at times. We walk closely with couples, 4 to be exact, all through the week and then come together on Sundays to discuss life, to spur one another on, fight for each other, cry with each and breath a little life and hope into our marriages and each other's broken world's. It is no fluffy Sunday school session, that is for sure. I love it and hate it at the same time.
Intimacy is something I long for and run from.
I am still processing all I am learning, processing who God made me to be, processing what is healthy and toxic in relationships, processing what it means to truly love my husband and myself. I read today of being given the gift of crisis. Yes. What a gift.
Her thoughts on Recovery are so profound. We are all in recovery from the fall, some are just a little more proactive and more aware than others. We were made to share life and live life with those who are striving for Holiness, as in "spurring one another on". We talked about repentance, believing and fighting....together. We must do it together, which is scary because then you have to actually get to know and be known!
It can seem very daunting at times.
God is revealing and revealing Himself to me through others. I am having to change behaviors and it is painful, but I know in my soul, for me, it is an act of worship. So I keep turning and changing and becoming by facing my demons, not denying nor running, but saying "help me" a lot and admitting that I am wrong. Not the big bad scary demons that were so evident, but the subtle, cunning and baffling ones that look a whole lot neater.
And it is hard stuff, but Holy stuff.
The winds of change are blowing and it is good and I know they are gifts from above, the hard, bad and painful refines and refines me and I am back in need of daily bread from my loving Savior. Recovery is never over and the longer I am in it, the more I realize how far I have to go.
The year of Little Surrenders 2012, thank you Jesus.
Intimacy is something I long for and run from.
I am still processing all I am learning, processing who God made me to be, processing what is healthy and toxic in relationships, processing what it means to truly love my husband and myself. I read today of being given the gift of crisis. Yes. What a gift.
Her thoughts on Recovery are so profound. We are all in recovery from the fall, some are just a little more proactive and more aware than others. We were made to share life and live life with those who are striving for Holiness, as in "spurring one another on". We talked about repentance, believing and fighting....together. We must do it together, which is scary because then you have to actually get to know and be known!
It can seem very daunting at times.
God is revealing and revealing Himself to me through others. I am having to change behaviors and it is painful, but I know in my soul, for me, it is an act of worship. So I keep turning and changing and becoming by facing my demons, not denying nor running, but saying "help me" a lot and admitting that I am wrong. Not the big bad scary demons that were so evident, but the subtle, cunning and baffling ones that look a whole lot neater.
And it is hard stuff, but Holy stuff.
The winds of change are blowing and it is good and I know they are gifts from above, the hard, bad and painful refines and refines me and I am back in need of daily bread from my loving Savior. Recovery is never over and the longer I am in it, the more I realize how far I have to go.
The year of Little Surrenders 2012, thank you Jesus.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Ramblings
As I was contemplating my day, I looked at my planner and written on the top I have written a quote. It reads...."ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives"....No doubt that was divine intervention. I struggle with all of these every day at some point and time if not often, if I am honest. What a simple concept, but a depth of meaning. Divorced from self-pity... I am pretty good at feeling sorry for myself. I also would like to say I am never dishonest, but often I am the most dishonest with myself and not looking at my faults and being blinded by others defects. If I want to change things, people or places that affect me, I need to do my part in changing and let the rest be up to God. Always a good lesson to be reminded of. I can not change another, nor is it my responsibility, praise God or we would all be on a sinking ship.
Onto self-seeking....what a bottomless pit of misery that I chase after daily. It never is enough, it never feels me up and I become a discontent, irritable person. Sadly, I still do a lot of self-seeking. A lot. To not be a self-seeker feels counter intuitive in the culture we live in. I need to be honest about these things and not only honest, but repentant of them. I am reminded of the three A's. Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Often times I am aware, I do accept this is how I am, but stop there. The year of Little Surrenders 2012 is this today for me... making a daily, conscious effort to acknowledge my junk, accepting that I can't change them myself and being willing and open to doing God's will in changing these core defeats so that I might live in freedom. Which brings me to a favorite verse...
Galatians 5:1
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
Onto self-seeking....what a bottomless pit of misery that I chase after daily. It never is enough, it never feels me up and I become a discontent, irritable person. Sadly, I still do a lot of self-seeking. A lot. To not be a self-seeker feels counter intuitive in the culture we live in. I need to be honest about these things and not only honest, but repentant of them. I am reminded of the three A's. Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Often times I am aware, I do accept this is how I am, but stop there. The year of Little Surrenders 2012 is this today for me... making a daily, conscious effort to acknowledge my junk, accepting that I can't change them myself and being willing and open to doing God's will in changing these core defeats so that I might live in freedom. Which brings me to a favorite verse...
Galatians 5:1
"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Yummers and the typical chaos
Back to apples. Check out these Apple Crisp. So easy! You just take out the core, set your oven to 275, slice very thin and sprinkle with cinnamon and bake 1:30-2 hrs on parchment paper. Flip at 45 min.
The down side.... It takes so long and I could only get 1 to 1.5 apples per baking sheet and as soon as they were out I gobbled them up.
ON the flip side your house will smell incredible and they are yummy and healthy!!
Paleo Mahi Mahi with Carrots and Ginger, along with Coucous via my health guru (that needs to start a blog)...
He also is tying to help me stop my nut addicition. Not good for diverticulitis nor when you are trying to clean your system.
I also ate lentils tonight, they were yummy!
Recipe for Mahi Mahi can be found here!
Embrace the chaos!
You know this was totally was NOT planned, but I just smiled and pretended it was as everyone commented on what a fun mama wearing team colors..."GO Lakers" or maybe we're the Celtics....
On another rambling note, my eyes welled up with tears several times today and I don't think it is hormonal. When I say the facts of reality of the amount of grace the Lord bestows on me daily sometimes hits me...where I've been, where I am and it is overwhelming and embarrassing if someone sees you weeping in the corner. No seriously, it happened several times today, not weeping in the corner but definitely blurry vision due to big tears welling up in my eyes as my heart is pricked with little reminders of God's BIG faithfulness.
May I never forget nor be embarrassed, like today as I was in mid conversation the grace struck, tears welled and I think the man I was speaking thought "oh.my.word. why is this lady about to cry?!"
They dried up as fast as they came, but what if I was bold enough to say "I am sorry, I just realized how good God is to me and how much Jesus really loves and cares for me. Do you know Him?"
Now that would be nuts or would it?!
I will let you know if I ever get that courgeous!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Bring out the big guns
No doubt spiritual warfare has raged this week on all fronts and on all levels. It has made for sleepless nights, reading scripture and praying more than just daily. No major event has happened, just life in general. From the kids, to the hubs, to hormones, health and relationships. The war has raged. Little surrenders was the theme for 2012. Well, God is helping me practice that....daily.
Today I am blessed and calm and peaceful. God gave me, once I woke up from my funk to realize how parched my soul was, scripture upon scripture which spoke directly to my very needs. He whispered in the dark as I lay staring at the ceiling wondering how to repair hurt feelings, what went wrong and over analyzing like I typically do...."Let it go" was the whisper. I would say "ok, You got it". In less than a minute there I was back to the same thought unaware that I even took it back. It was maddening. Over and over this went on. Me and God. In the dark, having conversations over letting go and my obvious problem of surrender.
Thankful for his grace. He never stops giving up. He chases me down through the hurt, the pain and the brokeness for MY good. Someone at our core group church plant dinner last night asked me..."How long did it take you to see that all the bad and hard we went through in our marriage was for your good?" Honestly, being in a church where I was being fed this over and over and the topic seemed to be on this at that time, that was my teensy, tiny flicker of hope. All of the hard, the bad HAD to be for my good. I had to believe that or I would have been in terrible shape, worse than I already was. God was gracious in helping me believe. He is gracious today. Note that doesn't mean I was joyful walking through the valley, nor was it easy. I just had in the back of my mind that this would be for the BEST. Now I can say, today, I can not imagine it any other way. That does not take away the sorrow or the pain, but it does give me HOPE for future weeks like the one I just had. Glad it is over.
Happy weekend!
Today I am blessed and calm and peaceful. God gave me, once I woke up from my funk to realize how parched my soul was, scripture upon scripture which spoke directly to my very needs. He whispered in the dark as I lay staring at the ceiling wondering how to repair hurt feelings, what went wrong and over analyzing like I typically do...."Let it go" was the whisper. I would say "ok, You got it". In less than a minute there I was back to the same thought unaware that I even took it back. It was maddening. Over and over this went on. Me and God. In the dark, having conversations over letting go and my obvious problem of surrender.
Thankful for his grace. He never stops giving up. He chases me down through the hurt, the pain and the brokeness for MY good. Someone at our core group church plant dinner last night asked me..."How long did it take you to see that all the bad and hard we went through in our marriage was for your good?" Honestly, being in a church where I was being fed this over and over and the topic seemed to be on this at that time, that was my teensy, tiny flicker of hope. All of the hard, the bad HAD to be for my good. I had to believe that or I would have been in terrible shape, worse than I already was. God was gracious in helping me believe. He is gracious today. Note that doesn't mean I was joyful walking through the valley, nor was it easy. I just had in the back of my mind that this would be for the BEST. Now I can say, today, I can not imagine it any other way. That does not take away the sorrow or the pain, but it does give me HOPE for future weeks like the one I just had. Glad it is over.
Happy weekend!
Sunday, January 08, 2012
Issues of the Heart
Tonight we went to our Marriage Community Group that meets every Sunday night. It is always so refreshing and it is so important and amazing to have other couples speak truth (which sometimes is hard to do and hard to hear) in your life and to see things from different perspectives. Tonight CJ was sharing on how hard and frustrated he had been with our eldest. Hudson can really crank out the bad attitudes and crankiness and CJ does not stay in his "hoop" so to speak well....most of the time he does, but today he just was so mad at him. Anyways, through knowing each other all so well and our backgrounds and things that trigger us, the leader of the group finally asked, "when he complains, do you take it personally...like you aren't enough?" Long story short, there was a resounding yes from him. Codependents do this...if something is wrong with you, they tend to think it is them, they take it personally and they want everyone to be okay so they can feel okay. He has come so far from being co-dependent, but he is wired with this bent and growing up this was the theme he always felt. All of us to some degree struggle with this as children and adults.
Bottom line is it is just another whisper from Satan. His forces are real. I am believing this more and more, the sermon today was on this and I would highly recommend you look on the Brookhills website for it this week. It was good to identify the underlying message behind CJ's behavior and frustration and for him to acknowledge the urge to jump out of his hoop! We are praying for patience and love for the banshee's and to shepherd their hearts! Being a parent is no joke!! Thankfully, we have a mighty God who we can ultimately surrender our children AND parenting to. We are all so broken...
On a lighter subject, I sent the older two to their Sunday School classes alone, they were pumped. Apparently, one wasn't quite ready for it. In the middle of the sermon, in the MEGA church we go to we see a man (I am thinking what is he doing?) he is bent over low talking to someone. That someone was Hudson. After church was over and I had collected myself from wanting strangling him (as David Platt's teaching on Satan wanting to kill, steal and destroy...I am wanting to do this to my first born) he said he had just been laying on the padded thing, that padded thing being a PRAYER BENCH down the aisle for all to see. At least he said he had been listening! And now I understand what my mama meant when she said "why mothers turn grey!"
Bottom line is it is just another whisper from Satan. His forces are real. I am believing this more and more, the sermon today was on this and I would highly recommend you look on the Brookhills website for it this week. It was good to identify the underlying message behind CJ's behavior and frustration and for him to acknowledge the urge to jump out of his hoop! We are praying for patience and love for the banshee's and to shepherd their hearts! Being a parent is no joke!! Thankfully, we have a mighty God who we can ultimately surrender our children AND parenting to. We are all so broken...
On a lighter subject, I sent the older two to their Sunday School classes alone, they were pumped. Apparently, one wasn't quite ready for it. In the middle of the sermon, in the MEGA church we go to we see a man (I am thinking what is he doing?) he is bent over low talking to someone. That someone was Hudson. After church was over and I had collected myself from wanting strangling him (as David Platt's teaching on Satan wanting to kill, steal and destroy...I am wanting to do this to my first born) he said he had just been laying on the padded thing, that padded thing being a PRAYER BENCH down the aisle for all to see. At least he said he had been listening! And now I understand what my mama meant when she said "why mothers turn grey!"
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Little Surrenders
Another Christmas and New Years has come and gone and I still struggle to surrender.
Daily. Struggle.
So does the 8 year old banshee. His heart feels ripped out as he has to return to school. Tears and more tears all morning long. We were not made for all this. No one was. Some can be a little happier and content than others, but the eight year old...I get him. Scripture, prayer and something...anything... that he could say he was thankful for all before 7:30 AM.
Finally. Ben.
He was thankful for his curly haired bff who gets him and tells him about the right road and wrong road, good choices and bad choices, fighting Satan with prayer and than actually praying with Hud as they lay there in the bunk beds when he spent the night recently. The youngest of 5 boys, one with down syndrome and a mother with the patience of Job. I am thankful for Ben as well. He teaches us all.
As we were about to leave I did stop and wonder whether he needed a spanking or hug? Sometimes he needs both. Today I chose hug and sent him out the door. The car ride was more tears and all I can do is pray for the teacher and him. It hurts my heart and I hope his struggle and heaviness is a little lighter for him as we carry the burden of life not for him, but with him. That balance is hard and one I am praying through.
So, today I surrender my child again. God is his "bff" (best father forever) as the banshee's refer to Him and he WILL provide for him through joy and pain.
I also surrender my lack of control of maintaining healthy eating. Christmas was rough, but my body is already feeling better as I have once again removed the toxins. Why am I so hard headed?! My body, the older I get can not handle it. We are hopping back on the Paleo wagon and it feels good...already.
So maybe this year is the year of little surrenders. The year of refining. I like Ann Voskamp's tradition of naming the year.
Here is a quote that I am going to chew some more on from her...praying for contentment for myself, my son, for us all.
Contentment isn’t a state of organization, a weight on the scale, a state of better: better kids, better marriage, better health, better house. Contentment is never a matter of circumstances; contentment is always a state of communion — a daily embracing of God. A thankfulness for all the gifts – and moments and life, just as He gives it. Trying harder may only bring harder trials and contentment, it won’t be be found in the resolutions, but in the revolutions – in the turning round to God.
Daily. Struggle.
So does the 8 year old banshee. His heart feels ripped out as he has to return to school. Tears and more tears all morning long. We were not made for all this. No one was. Some can be a little happier and content than others, but the eight year old...I get him. Scripture, prayer and something...anything... that he could say he was thankful for all before 7:30 AM.
Finally. Ben.
He was thankful for his curly haired bff who gets him and tells him about the right road and wrong road, good choices and bad choices, fighting Satan with prayer and than actually praying with Hud as they lay there in the bunk beds when he spent the night recently. The youngest of 5 boys, one with down syndrome and a mother with the patience of Job. I am thankful for Ben as well. He teaches us all.
As we were about to leave I did stop and wonder whether he needed a spanking or hug? Sometimes he needs both. Today I chose hug and sent him out the door. The car ride was more tears and all I can do is pray for the teacher and him. It hurts my heart and I hope his struggle and heaviness is a little lighter for him as we carry the burden of life not for him, but with him. That balance is hard and one I am praying through.
So, today I surrender my child again. God is his "bff" (best father forever) as the banshee's refer to Him and he WILL provide for him through joy and pain.
I also surrender my lack of control of maintaining healthy eating. Christmas was rough, but my body is already feeling better as I have once again removed the toxins. Why am I so hard headed?! My body, the older I get can not handle it. We are hopping back on the Paleo wagon and it feels good...already.
So maybe this year is the year of little surrenders. The year of refining. I like Ann Voskamp's tradition of naming the year.
Here is a quote that I am going to chew some more on from her...praying for contentment for myself, my son, for us all.
Contentment isn’t a state of organization, a weight on the scale, a state of better: better kids, better marriage, better health, better house. Contentment is never a matter of circumstances; contentment is always a state of communion — a daily embracing of God. A thankfulness for all the gifts – and moments and life, just as He gives it. Trying harder may only bring harder trials and contentment, it won’t be be found in the resolutions, but in the revolutions – in the turning round to God.
Friday, December 30, 2011
One more....
Silence. All I hear is the hum of the computer. The hubs has taken the banshee's out and I am all alone. Typically as I blog someone is sitting in my computer chair with me (like this morning) the tv is blaring, or the little noises of children playing (and needing me) is in the background. I just hopped out of my reading spot, the bathtub, and have been reading and rereading Stepping Heavenward. She has good stuff, I thought I'd share....
(in talking about people who have trails of the world with Helen,the girl her brother was going to marry, but he died)
"They have 'hours of terrible agony', of course. God's grace does not harden our hearts and make them proof against suffering like coats of mail. They all can say, "out of the depths I have cried unto Thee" Ps 130:1; and it is they alone who have been down in the depths and had a rich experience of what God could be to His children there who can utter such testimonials to His honor as those I have just repeated."
"Katy?" Helen suddenly asked. "Do you always submit to God's will thus?"
"In great things I do, I said. "What grieves me is that I am constantly forgetting to recognize God's hand in the little every day trails of life, and instead of receiving them as from Him, find fault with the instruments by which He sends them."
And previous,I love this nugget...
"Yes, I suppose I am as happy in my dear precious husband and children as a wife and mother can be in a fallen world, which must not be a real heaven lest we should love the land we journey through so well as to want to pitch our tents in it forever and cease to look and long for the home whither we are bound."
and listen to Psalm 130 via you tube. This video makes me miss our church!! click here to watch or find it on Spotifiy.
Now off to run and let my endorphins kick in! I need some today!!!!
(in talking about people who have trails of the world with Helen,the girl her brother was going to marry, but he died)
"They have 'hours of terrible agony', of course. God's grace does not harden our hearts and make them proof against suffering like coats of mail. They all can say, "out of the depths I have cried unto Thee" Ps 130:1; and it is they alone who have been down in the depths and had a rich experience of what God could be to His children there who can utter such testimonials to His honor as those I have just repeated."
"Katy?" Helen suddenly asked. "Do you always submit to God's will thus?"
"In great things I do, I said. "What grieves me is that I am constantly forgetting to recognize God's hand in the little every day trails of life, and instead of receiving them as from Him, find fault with the instruments by which He sends them."
And previous,I love this nugget...
"Yes, I suppose I am as happy in my dear precious husband and children as a wife and mother can be in a fallen world, which must not be a real heaven lest we should love the land we journey through so well as to want to pitch our tents in it forever and cease to look and long for the home whither we are bound."
and listen to Psalm 130 via you tube. This video makes me miss our church!! click here to watch or find it on Spotifiy.
Now off to run and let my endorphins kick in! I need some today!!!!
Back on the Wagon
I am heading back to Paleo with this New Year. I have taken a nose dive straight into the depths of nasty junk food and tons of toxins and am paying the consequences. My body feels as though it has slowly been poisoned by all the junk I have poured into my body during the holidays. It has been a slow process, for some it is faster. I have yet to do the Whole 30, but am considering a serious detox and flush of my system. I am mentally gearing up for the switch back to healthy eating. I have maintained, somewhat, exercising and look forward to a new chapter in that as well. I thought maybe writing this down will help my mental switch and help me back on the eating healthy wagon.
Now onto a completely different subject....spiritual warfare. It exists. We totally experienced it yesterday as we had a couple who has been struggling in their marriage coming to dinner to discuss some things with us. We fought like pit bulls yesterday, not really, it was subtle annoyances at first, horrible communication and terrible moods. Right before they came there the dam broke and all the hurtful things we had been wanting to say all day came flying out of our mouths at each other. Satan whispers softly "you really have nothing to offer anyone..." Luckily, both of us agreed over dinner what had happened was an attack. We tabled our issues and focused on our friends. It was hopeful...for all of us. I am thankful to see clearly how Satan wants to defeat us and the verse that comes to mind is...
Eph 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Satan wants to kill, steal and destroy. He tried to do it in all faucets of my life, our lives...BUT God is greater. He can, will and has made us fruitful.
Now onto a completely different subject....spiritual warfare. It exists. We totally experienced it yesterday as we had a couple who has been struggling in their marriage coming to dinner to discuss some things with us. We fought like pit bulls yesterday, not really, it was subtle annoyances at first, horrible communication and terrible moods. Right before they came there the dam broke and all the hurtful things we had been wanting to say all day came flying out of our mouths at each other. Satan whispers softly "you really have nothing to offer anyone..." Luckily, both of us agreed over dinner what had happened was an attack. We tabled our issues and focused on our friends. It was hopeful...for all of us. I am thankful to see clearly how Satan wants to defeat us and the verse that comes to mind is...
Eph 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
Satan wants to kill, steal and destroy. He tried to do it in all faucets of my life, our lives...BUT God is greater. He can, will and has made us fruitful.
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
Fabulous quote
If you've never heard of Tim Keller he is an awesome author and pastor who pastors Redeemer in NYC. He wrote Prodigal God, which is fabulous. Ran across this post on FB, good stuff.
"The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less." Timothy Keller, The Reason for God
Amen.
Now back to the chaos of life at Christmas. Always fun. Never dull.
"The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less." Timothy Keller, The Reason for God
Amen.
Now back to the chaos of life at Christmas. Always fun. Never dull.
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