There is no greater place to see the heart of man than in your own home. Throw 5 people together with their different quirks and sin and it is quite a mess. It quickly becomes clear how much the Gospel is needed DAILY!
Judging by the outside there are people in this family that LOOK like they have got it going on MOST of the time. If you wanted to get a legalist to come survey and jot down our actions, I promise their are two people that could get ALL the right marks and might even appear to be the "better" Christians. And as you can guess, if you frequent this blog enough, I am NOT one of those people and neither is my eldest banshee. We were made out of the same mold and sometimes we are just too darn distracted to even remember the rules, much less obey them, which can be very frustrating to the "rule keepers" we live with. Our leader of this messy tribe has learned to handle me, or us (the apparent messy ones well)...we are grateful for his patience.
So, all that leads me into this morning. I woke up to stinky, hot breath in my face and the sweet sounds of scripture... "this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad..." my eyes fluttered open and I said "yes son!! God is granting you grace". These days are few and far between, but we both know they are precious. You have no room to EVER doubt where he is or how he feels about things, and I am the same way, not that is right....it just is. I love that kid's passion. He then tells me he is dressed, which again is a big deal that he actually remembered, shoes on and all. The hubs doesn't notice until after breakfast and congratulates him because dressing for him without being reminded... and reminded... and reminded all morning until we all start feeling a little crazy, is a BIG deal.
From the kitchen I hear the sweet words of a proud father and then I see my blond haired middle banshee, who at times I feel like we live on different planets and I am pretty sure she would say the same, slip in the kitchen frantically looking for her shoes. I can't imagine what was going on in her head, but could guess it probably was not good. She did a downward spiral from there and was angry, really angry in her subtle way. First and foremost, I can't imagine what it is like to be in the head of someone who is a rule follower, I just can't. It must be so frustrating to see the people who have a hard time even remembering there are rules, getting rewarded and praised for having their shoes on ONE day when she does everyday. I think the heart of the matter boils down to pride and judging and doing a lot of "right" things for the wrong reasons. I think this is where roles in family get so defined which drives a LOT of shame for the ones who can't remember they live in a society that requires them to wear shoes. Daily. They missed the memo somewhere down the line.
Another lesson for our little home. We are all messy, messy broken people in need of the little reminders that we don't have it all together and we can't keep it all together. It was good to see my little one's struggle. The outside of her "cup" she keeps pretty polished so it's easy to miss her heart underneath. I have known there have been some things brewing, just in her nature of pleasing others and her idol being perfection, which at times can be a whole lot more frightening than the child with a "cup" that rarely has ever been polished. It is a lot more baffling and cunning to outsiders and probably to her own little soul.
Anyways, that was OUR messy morning, now to try and glean some wisdom from my mentors on talking this through with her. I want her to love Jesus, to grasp her depravity and strive for holiness. I want to teach my children they will struggle with their natural bent, but to teach them to struggle well and also give them freedom in their struggles while pointing them to Christ. Which brings me to my role, to constantly keep surrendering my parenting and MY will over and over and over to His. Little surrenders 2012...again.
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