Saturday, January 14, 2012

Bring out the big guns

No doubt spiritual warfare has raged this week on all fronts and on all levels. It has made for sleepless nights, reading scripture and praying more than just daily. No major event has happened, just life in general. From the kids, to the hubs, to hormones, health and relationships. The war has raged. Little surrenders was the theme for 2012. Well, God is helping me practice that....daily.

Today I am blessed and calm and peaceful. God gave me, once I woke up from my funk to realize how parched my soul was, scripture upon scripture which spoke directly to my very needs. He whispered in the dark as I lay staring at the ceiling wondering how to repair hurt feelings, what went wrong and over analyzing like I typically do...."Let it go" was the whisper. I would say "ok, You got it". In less than a minute there I was back to the same thought unaware that I even took it back. It was maddening. Over and over this went on. Me and God. In the dark, having conversations over letting go and my obvious problem of surrender.

Thankful for his grace. He never stops giving up. He chases me down through the hurt, the pain and the brokeness for MY good. Someone at our core group church plant dinner last night asked me..."How long did it take you to see that all the bad and hard we went through in our marriage was for your good?" Honestly, being in a church where I was being fed this over and over and the topic seemed to be on this at that time, that was my teensy, tiny flicker of hope. All of the hard, the bad HAD to be for my good. I had to believe that or I would have been in terrible shape, worse than I already was. God was gracious in helping me believe. He is gracious today. Note that doesn't mean I was joyful walking through the valley, nor was it easy. I just had in the back of my mind that this would be for the BEST. Now I can say, today, I can not imagine it any other way. That does not take away the sorrow or the pain, but it does give me HOPE for future weeks like the one I just had. Glad it is over.

Happy weekend!

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