Friday, February 03, 2012


I need to remain present in the here and now. Some daunting, or at least it feels daunting, decisions are coming up that have been heavy on my soul and propel me quickly to the past or the future. I had a complete come apart Wednesday and used a lot of harsh and ugly words and wanted to KILL somebody. It all stems from fear, which is not of God. A 911 call was made, by the dear hubs to our ever patient mentors. They spoke truth and helped us sort things out at our emergency meeting yesterday. I think everybody needs a Paul and Suzanne, I am not sure how people with all their wounds from life make it with any type of connection to each other without a third (and fourth for us) party involved, or maybe we are just that "special" couple.... either way they speak truth and love us both well and remind us to remain present,  in my hoop, big girl chair whatever terminology works. So I am struggling to be present, to stay present in my own hoop. To trust that God ultimately is in control, control of another is only an illusion, and to deal with my stuff that goes a lot deeper than just history with the hubs.
I did have a repentant moment yesterday morning. I threw clothes on the floor and was bound and determined not to make beds or do dishes OR pick up one item in my house. all. day. long. (it's how I throw adult tantrums), but INSTEAD  I made the beds, did the dishes and headed to start a new Bible study that is  (obviously) much needed. My day was productive and I did not shut-down. For me that is a victory. Surrendering anger, which is really fear, and remaining in the here and now. Present. Just for today. Daily bread, that is ALL I need Oh Lord.
Little Surrenders 2012 is in FULL swing up in here.

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