Sunday, January 29, 2012


We all need it whether we believe it or not. I am still processing all that went down tonight in our sacred little group that is one of the most Holiest places I have ever ventured. and terrifying at times. We walk closely with couples, 4 to be exact, all through the week and then come together on Sundays to discuss life, to spur one another on, fight for each other, cry with each and breath a little life and hope into our marriages and each other's broken world's. It is no fluffy Sunday school session, that is for sure. I love it and hate it at the same time.

Intimacy is something I long for and run from.

I am still processing all I am learning, processing who God made me to be, processing what is healthy and toxic in relationships, processing what it means to truly love my husband and myself. I read today of being given the gift of crisis. Yes. What a gift.

 Her thoughts on Recovery are so profound. We are all in recovery from the fall, some are just a little more proactive and more aware than others. We were made to share life and live life with those who are striving for Holiness, as in "spurring one another on". We talked about repentance, believing and fighting....together. We must do it together, which is scary because then you have to actually get to know and be known!

 It can seem very daunting at times.

God is revealing and revealing Himself to me through others. I am having to change behaviors and it is painful, but I know in my soul, for me, it is an act of worship. So I keep turning and changing and becoming by facing my demons, not denying nor running, but saying "help me" a lot and admitting that I am wrong. Not the big bad scary demons that were so evident, but the subtle, cunning and baffling ones that look a whole lot neater.

And it is hard stuff, but Holy stuff.

The winds of change are blowing and it is good and I know they are gifts from above, the hard, bad and painful refines and refines me and I am back in need of daily bread from my loving Savior. Recovery is never over and the longer I am in it, the more I realize how far I have to go.
The year of Little Surrenders 2012, thank you Jesus.

No comments:

Post a Comment