Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Little Surrenders

Another Christmas and New Years has come and gone and I still struggle to surrender.
Daily. Struggle.
So does the 8 year old banshee. His heart feels ripped out as he has to return to school. Tears and more tears all morning long. We were not made for all this. No one was. Some can be a little happier and content than others, but the eight year old...I get him. Scripture, prayer and something...anything... that he could say he was thankful for all before 7:30 AM.
Finally. Ben.
He was thankful for his curly haired bff who gets him and tells him about the right road and wrong road, good choices and bad choices, fighting Satan with prayer and than actually praying with Hud as they lay there in the bunk beds when he spent the night recently. The youngest of 5 boys, one with down syndrome and a mother with the patience of Job. I am thankful for Ben as well. He teaches us all.
As we were about to leave I did stop and wonder whether he needed a spanking or hug? Sometimes he needs both. Today I chose hug and sent him out the door. The car ride was more tears and all I can do is pray for the teacher and him. It hurts my heart and I hope his struggle and heaviness is a little lighter for him as we carry the burden of life not for him, but with him. That balance is hard and one I am praying through.
So, today I surrender my child again. God is his "bff"  (best father forever) as the banshee's refer to Him and he WILL provide for him through joy and pain.
I also surrender my lack of control of maintaining healthy eating. Christmas was rough, but my body is already feeling better as I have once again removed the toxins. Why am I so hard headed?! My body, the older I get can not handle it. We are hopping back on the Paleo wagon and it feels good...already.
So maybe this year is the year of little surrenders. The year of refining. I like Ann Voskamp's tradition of naming the year.
Here is a quote that I am going to chew some more on from her...praying for contentment for myself, my son, for us all.

Contentment isn’t a state of organization, a weight on the scale, a state of better: better kids, better marriage, better health, better house. Contentment is never a matter of circumstances; contentment is always a state of communion — a daily embracing of God. A thankfulness for all the gifts – and moments and life, just as He gives it. Trying harder may only bring harder trials and contentment, it won’t be be found in the resolutions, but in the revolutions – in the turning round to God.

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