Friday, September 07, 2012

Making a comeback...

I have had writer's block. I think my brain is fried. I think I may never write again. I begin, but nothing comes. I am struggling to put into words life, feelings...things that have always come more naturally for me. It is a little frustrating. Waking up in pitch black darkness for the past couple of months, fumbling for my shoes and clothes as I pour my coffee in my kitchen ,that's in desperate need of redemption, has worn me out. Homewood FIT is a blessing and we are growing and women are changing and things are moving steadily forward and that is GOOD. That is GREAT, but it has taken my time and energy in starting a business and than maintaining it and then being a mama, a wife and a friend...a blogger just doesn't seem to fit into my description as naturally as it once did.
Things are good. Life is plugging along. 3 years ago God completely changed our lives, for the better. At the time all appeared to be black, walking around in darkness... like I do so many mornings, literally, these days trying to put myself together to make it to the park for FIT. When my alarm jolts me awake, I feel this pit in my stomach, I wonder if I can get up another day before the sun even rises, but I have too. I have 20 women and my business partner who may wonder where I am, I have to keep moving. As I move and brew my coffee and search for clean socks and misplaced tennis shoes from the day before, my body begins to wake up and once I get to the park and slowly as the women start to arrive, the coffee starts working and I physically start feeling so much better. Halfway through the workout I totally forget how hard those first 20 minutes were getting up, moving, getting out the door.
3 years ago feels like forever ago and things were dark and uncomfortable and physically, emotionally painful. Last night I was reminded of how I had survived this broken world in the past. Familiar faces, places and smells struck me fiercely and suddenly. I did not want to go back and relive that, but I was reminded. Sometimes being reminded is good. You can feel redemption in your blood, kind of like the coffee that starts working....redemption does the same. CJ commented this morning on how happy I appeared to be. I am. Not everyday do I remember...remember whose I am....
Above all my roles, I am a child of a king. A beloved daughter who does not have to perform for my papa nor have my God figured out and explained away. I can live by faith, redeemed  in what Christ did on the cross and in this and only in this can I then glorify God and enjoy Him forever. I had it backwards for wayyyyyy to long.
I pray if you struggle with whatever and your life is a mess and things are dark, there is hope. God will and can change your life, even if your ppl, places and things don't change..YOU can. Jesus is there waiting to change your life from the inside out. He promises good things to those who love Him.
Happy Friday!

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