Monday, July 18, 2011

Redeemed For a Reason

After the incredible marriage retreat, I am letting it all soak in and processing all I learned. There will be more on it later. In coming back and having a sinus infection and a shot that put me under for most of the day, I was able to rally mid-afternoon and re-enter into real life. Reality. The reality of my own brokenness that will never fully be healed and the reality of living amongst four broken people daily who see my stuff and I see theirs. Fights and more fights, joy, redemption, laughter, more arguing and falling into bed for much needed sleep. Oh, just the rhythm of life can be exhausting. Thank goodness this is not as good as it gets and the fighting/arguing parts make me long for heaven. It brings me back to real reality and how to live it...looking forward to the day of wholeness, eternity.

Blogs can often portray picture perfectness and we can create a realm of life that is deceiving. I struggle with this balance myself and wonder where the balance is. I try to read the more picture perfect blogs with caution in my own head of, you never know the crosses other people are having to bear even though all appears well and perfect. The blog sphere and social media's can be used for evil, but also good. Just like anything in life.

So, with that I share that if you come across my blog and it seems to portray Eden, know it is not. We have good days and bad days. We have times by God's grace we do the gospel well, and days the gospel seems miles away, completely forgotten. We are broken vessels and any good times, as well as the bad, are all living portraits of God and His goodness and love for us. We are blessed and full and strive to focus our eyes upwards, but by no means do it well.

Reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp I am reminded to be grateful. Tonight as I escaped into my haven, the bathtub, and shut the door these words moved me....
(her boys get in a fight at the dinner table) " A boy drives a plate hard back down the table at his brother. And God tries to gently drive the words of Caussade from the knowing of my head to the bleeding of my heart;
 "You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies- though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet {God's} beloved children curse it bc they do not know it for what it is."
A blasphemer.
I pull our a chair from the table, sink down. The sunflower heads have turned low. The Tall-Son is chewing his toast too loud at the other end of the table. What compels me to name these moments upheavals and annoyances instead of grace and gift? Why deprive myself of joy's oxygen? The starkness of the answer startle. Because you believe in the power of the pit."

I believed in the power of the pit way to long, God slowly called me out, is calling me out. I still want to run, a lot, and cover my blog up in a happy, smiling fulfilled family who loves and does life well together...but that is not the whole truth. We have walked many valley's where we have almost stayed and taken hook, line and sinker the lie that this is as good as it gets. That is a lie I fight daily to NOT believe. Through God and His amazing grace our dance has changed and is changing. We are living our lives with more gratitude, more hope, tasting redemption and miracles, and there are also days of defeat.

I know one day, I will probably share the valley's I refer to, because every single thing in it points to God and His glory. In looking at my life in light of the gospel it drives the legalism out of my heart and I can stay in my role as a beloved daughter of Christ, striving for righteousness in awe of my depravity, which in turns drives me towards a much needed Savior to forgive and redeem. It's a dance I have to remember every day and constant redemption is happening and has happened for a reason....His glory!


  1. i've gotta give praise to the Father after reading this, Suzanne. Glory to God. Amen and amen. My heart is full for you and yours. (jenny norton)

  2. Thank you for your honesty, Suz. I resonate with everything you said, and it is encouraging to me.