Tuesday, March 13, 2012
It was ridiculous and delusional.
In my mind my children were already orphaned before we had taken off. Delusional. I got a grip, read my Bible and relaxed once we hit the friendly skies. (the picture in the far bottom left is a picture from the friendly sky of clouds over the ocean. It was breathtaking.)
The trip was fun. Lots and lots of fun and so relaxing. The hubs and I hardly argued and I prayed daily to be present. To enjoy the daily bread I was being given. A husband who was engaging and loved me, beautiful landscapes and time to recharge my marriage and myself. Not to live in the past nor in the future. It is amazing how I "go" there in my mind. Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy and the battle begins in the mind. I used to surrender to those thoughts and run with them, but I am learning more and more daily to just lay them down, hit the pause button, and surrender to MY God who is so much bigger than Satan.
Back to paradise...We went hiking in the Rain forest, which sounds awesome right?! Do not be fooled. It was a total tourist trap and we had P. Diddy along with us for the ride. Yes, some girls decided they would play him on their phone and do lunges as we walked through the rain forest. The saving grace was the view and once we were able to break free from the P Diddy gals we were able to listen to the amazing sounds of nature.
That hubs is really becoming a Godly man and I say this to encourage, not boast. To proclaim all God has done. He has started praying with me often. Praying with him before felt so vulnerable and awkward at times, but the more courage he has in leading me (and the more I let him), the more peaceful and the more natural it all feels. Before I always felt like such a fraud, a fake, a phony. My heart did not feel filled with the Lord, so praying and proclaiming Him did not come naturally. I still feel very timid when it comes to proclaiming Him to the lost, but I hope that will come as I continue to be sanctified.
This trip the Lord showed me Isaiah 61, "The Year of The Lord's Favor". I love the whole chapter, but a couple of verses that stand out are...
"They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated for generations...." because that is what has happened. Generational sins on both sides have been broken in us individually and our marriage.
"Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance.....and everlasting joy will be theirs." We should be walking around full of gloom and doom, BUT instead we have been set free and restored to God and each other, which I think is a living miracle of His grace He STILL bestows.
Anyways, this trip was that. A trip of blessing bestowed to us. We still struggle and there are days I don't feel like getting out of bed, I don't feel like being married nor having banshee's. Luckily, they are few and far between, but nevertheless I STILL have those days. Life is so much better when I abide in Him and His word, but there is no arrival of getting there and staying there. It is a journey mixed with victories AND defeat. Joy and sorrow. Now back to life and embracing reality. Re-entry can be messy! Thank God for coffee.
*The pictures of the hubs standing in front of "beautiful" scenery are blown-up photo's, we were for sure the "Ricky Bobby's" from Alabama. He got a great big kick out of posing. Really he thought it was hilarious. I have dozens of them that I will spare you from scrolling through!