The year our marriage was "in the weeds" everything seemed so hard and bitter, but spiritually sweet. God had revealed sin in my own life on multiple levels and now God was bringing forth sin in our marriage. It all seemed too much at the time, some days I prayed to make it up the stairs to get a diaper, I prayed in the middle of the night and I prayed driving. I prayed everywhere. Not because I was super spiritual, but that was my means of making it through the day... literally. God never gives you more than you can bear, I knew this and clung to this and He carried me through. He knew the burden I was bearing was in turn for me to know Him in intimate ways. I literally felt him some days that it all seemed too much and I could have never have experienced this without the "bitter".
God wants us, heart, soul and mind. God came for those who don't have it together, can't keep it together and know they are in deep. When we are "satisfied" in life and full, we can be terrified of the bitter, the hard the ugly because life is so "good". Those who are hungry say "Thy will be done" in confidence knowing that even the bitter, can be oh so sweet.
Surrendering our will and our lives over to God is a scary thing, and as I tell my kids it is not a one time thing BUT a daily decision. That means surrendering everything, our children, our spouses, ourselves to His plan. He is the author and perfecter of our of faith and in knowing and really believing this, we can quit trying so hard to keep it together, to keep our marriage together, to keep our children together. Control can be a deadly thing to yourself and those around you and is only an illusion.
"Beat the Gospel into your head, to drive the Legalism out of your heart"
May I remember this today. How often I forget to ask daily for His bread... His truth, His spirit to move in and through me and His will to be done.